What is wrong?

Something is WRONG with me! Maybe I'm getting seasonal depression or maybe I'm just tired or maybe my hormones are on some runaway train to the moon! Whatever it is I'm not enjoying it but I don't know how to kick it. I would love to explain why I'm feeling the way I do so I could fix it.

I've been short with people, even completely avoiding some on the sidewalk or in the halls at work. Honestly, if I didn't have meetings today, it is likely that I would have done a U-turn on my way to work and just turned around to go home for the day. Little things, like Target selling out of the crib mattress that I was planning to buy and saw there just 2 days ago, are sending me deeper in to disappointment. I don't like feeling unprepared and not having a crib mattress or being able to "finish" packing for the hospital has me feeling inadequate in my preparation skills as a mother. I'm getting worked up over things that I was fine with and agreed to just a few weeks ago. (specifics here would get me in trouble!) I've been feeling guilty all week about what I have been eating - ranging from a cookie on more than one occasion to McDonald's last night. I didn't even enjoy eating it because I knew how bad it was!

OK, so as I write this I'm starting to perhaps understand what (or how many different things) is making me feel this way but I still don't think that explains why I feel all of this now. I want to be happy in the last few weeks before our baby comes. I want to be excited about it being Friday and finally getting to accomplish some tasks at home, as well as take it easy. I'm going to do my best to try to knock this over the weekend. I just hope it doesn't get worse.

I'm not writing for sympathy. I'm just writing to try to get all this out, hoping that is the first step in ridding myself of these feelings. I remind myself why I started this blog and it was cheaper than therapy. Time's up. Session's over. I need to get to work.