48 hours

The last couple of days have certainly been interesting. They've been a real mix of ups and downs, good news and bad news. Perhaps the events have been more than the past 48 hours but I'll just leave the title at that.

On Friday a realtor called to show our house after the monsoon of 6 inches of rain in central IL. I sent Jeremiah's old provider flying over to the house to check our basement for water. While she was there, the potential buyer came in to the house. He introduced himself as someone planning to make an offer on the house! WHOOHOOO!!! By that evening, we were receiving a message indicating that he had some concerns, which frankly we think are bunk. He's just jerking us around.

On Saturday John's parents arrived and we spent some great time with them visiting. Can I just say how nice it is not to factor in time for homework for either one of us on the weekend! Most of our marriage has meant one of us in school, which often overshadowed just enjoying weekends and their flexibility. We also got news that the house was going to be shown again to new potential buyers. Then, that night Jeremiah got sick in the car on the way home from dinner out. We let him have red jello at dinner. argh...

We spent much of Sunday keeping him off of the light colored carpet in the rental house! He's still trying to get his system back to normal but has kept food down since yesterday a.m. and his appetite is returning.

The people that looked at the house on Saturday came back tonight and, from what I could see when I drove by, brought quite the party (5 vehicles). They are going to get their financing in order and will likely be bidding on the house later this week! An even brighter side is that OUR realtor brought them to us, which means she will lower the commission by 1%. Some closure on the house would, at least, make me feel like there was one less weight on us and give me hope to face the next thing weighing on my heart and mind. There's alot I'm dealing with but even one less thing would be helpful.

I'm in central IL for a few days for work and it's been hard to be here. I love coming back but it is also quite the reminder of our life here and even more so of the life we built for our son here. I'm feeling less and less excited about his daycare situation currently and I miss his provider here so much. It would have been WONDERFUL to drop him off at her house like I used to this morning. Another down on the roller coaster.

On the road

I'm on the road for business and find myself being entertained by a variety of things. So here are a few snippits.

Billboard in MO - "Educate before you Consummate"
My thought - "Well that's one way to put it..."

While driving through beautiful MO wine country, I'm thinking about how much I would LOVE to hit up several of these wineries! I will certainly have to come back!

Interesting St. Louis area talk show was discussing Bernie Madoff's (sp) penis. Um, why?

Those are a few of the highlights. Perhaps I'll have more on the return trip tomorrow.

Being a mom

For me there was a change that occured with motherhood. It's a change that many onlookers may not see and perhaps some mothers may not experience. It's a change that continues to develop and become more intense with this next pregnancy and the varied stages of development of our first child.

I find myself setting aside more and more of myself for my kids. It's not that I'm losing myself but rather moving myself down the priority list and wanting to be the best parent I can.

Without rambling on about this when I'm not really sure what my point is, I'll try to summarize with this thought. I've often heard parents of teenagers or young adults say that they just did the best they could and the rest was up to their kids. Sometimes this is the truth. Other times I question if they really did the BEST they could and their kid still turned out the way they did.

I don't want to be 16 years down the road wondering if I really did everything in my kids' best interest. I want to be the best mom that I can, and right now that means questioning decisions and actions daily.

Social Butterfly

Perhaps it's because from an early age, I was out and about at all my older siblings events, or maybe because I grew up with a big extended family that lived close and got together, or maybe it's just that I tend to have an extrovert personality. Whatever the reason, I like to be with other people, and not just the ones that I live with everyday. (Don't get me wrong. I love JT and Jer, but sometimes I need other people to be with!)

Even before the move, I was anticipating loneliness and really missing our friends. Admittedly, friendship goes across miles, often even oceans, especially with the help of e-mail, texting and great cell phone plans. However, I realized over the weekend, when we didn't really have any social plans, that in addition to (or maybe even more specifically) that I was missing social interaction with those friends. Our weekends (or sometimes weeks) often involved grabbing a bite with another couple/family, getting together for a quick celebration of something, taking a walk at lunch hour, or me hitting the mall or Target with a friend.

It's actually been refreshing to more closely identify this point of frustration and loneliness for me. However, it's also hard to further realize that someone 15 minutes away isn't calling us up for pizza any time soon. Yes, relationships might come to us but they take time.

Who knew understanding yourself better could feel like such an epiphany?

PS- I think the need for social interaction and more varied people may also be something that has been a major adjustment for Jer. He's used to seeing every Tom, Dick and Harry at the grocery, park or town restaurant.