The luminary lap

On Saturday night, my husband and I participated in our local Relay for Life. This was our first time attending the Relay and I was in awe of this celebration of life and hope for a cure for a disease that has touched so many lives. I could not have predicted the community empowerment and personal impact I felt while attending this 12-hour event.

My myriad of feelings started as I watched area cancer survivors, including many currently battling the disease, walk the 1/4 mile track while other participants cheered them on, held signs of hope and thanked them for their courage. The event continued as many others joined the track. Each team maintains a camp site, has snacks and enjoys the socialization of the event, between putting in laps on the track.

We stayed until about midnight Saturday night. I couldn't pull an all-nighter, like some, as I'm a bit particular about my sleep while I'm caring the little one.

The most impactful part of the night came around 9 p.m. The track was lined with hundreds of glowing remembrance luminaries. One side of the track bleachers had luminaries spelling out HOPE and another CURE. The large spotlights were turned off. The luminary ceremony kicked off with a poem about Relay for Life, followed by a beautiful song. Then, the bagpipe music began and this single bagpipe led the otherwise silent remembrance lap. My husband and I walked that lap hand-in-hand, watching people breakdown, while others just stood by a single luminary. I squeezed his hand as we walked past the luminaries we had purchased in honor of people who are important in our lives. A tear trickled down my cheek and I knew we had to keep moving if I was going to keep it together. This was truly an empowering experience. I'm not sure I can ever hear a bagpipe again without it taking me back to the thoughts I had during that lap.

I may have given to Relay for Life but it also gave me something in return. Thank you to all of you who contributed to my participation in this year's Relay. I look forward to participating again.

A baby blog

I've been trying not to saturate this blog with lots of pregnancy and baby talk. I know some people find too much of this very annoying. So, I've started another blog just for baby news. Hopefully, this will keep people informed on the progress of the baby, provide a place for photos and news after he or she arrives and maintain this blog as my space to express thoughts, etc.

Granted there may still be a hint of baby talk here but I'll try to keep it to a minimum.

If you want to visit it, the address is http://babytodd.blogspot.com I'll probably update about once a week unless something big happens.

Why doesn't someone teach this stuff?

There should be some course in high school or college titled"Grown-up skills." Yes, there is consumer education but beyond learning to write a resume and balance a checkbook, I'm not sure there were many applicable skills learned in that class. (Granted, I tested out of it, so I really don't know what the content was.)

In the past 5 years, I've heard myself mentally whisper, "Where am I supposed to learn about these things?" It probably started with evaluating a benefits package when I accepted a job. Without spending days researching the 10 pound packet I was provided, I really had no idea what I was looking at. This is ironic when my peers and I now have full conversations about health benefits, taxes, compensation time and other "boring" topics, all of which are part of the tapestry of our lives.

There are other things I wish someone would have taught me too - but who would. These are not items I would have preferred my parents spend a Saturday night informing me about. For example, how the heck does someone evaluate and purchase carpet? I shutter to mention all the things involved in understanding purchasing a house. I still have fears that something will jump up and bite us on that one, but we bought the house a year and a half ago and nothing has yet. What about IRAs and supplemental life insurance? AHHHH!!!!! The internet can help with some of this but can only go so far.

I have resigned myself to realize that these are all supposed to be the learning experiences of life but it would be nice to have an instructor. However, it is rumored that we learn best from our mistakes. I just hope they aren't too big.

Wish us luck as we attempt to make the final decisions on the carpet we have been talking about for 3 months.

The quarter-life crisis

Rain, rain, go away. I've lost track of how many days in a row it has been raining and cold, but I'm clearly ready for some sunshine! I heard someone joking yesterday about SAD in May but that's not such a distant possibility. It would be nice to get some time to work in the flower beds and garden but I suppose we needed some rain too. I bought a new pair of sunglasses as a treat to myself over a week ago and have not yet been able to wear them because it hasn't been sunny. I want some SUN!

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A few weeks ago, a friend shared a piece about "the quarter-life crisis" with me, partially because she is going through some hard decisions herself. After reading it, I could definitely relate. I have been meaning to post about this for weeks but it has eluded me. A friend from college visited with me on Saturday night and we discussed making life decisions about having children, continuing education and relocating. While we were visiting, these thoughts on the quarter-life crisis came back to me. Then, I received a message from another friend considering a change in career, which involves going back to school. We're all in our 20s.

Changes and decisions are a regular dinner table, bedtime, and walking discussion in my life. My husband and I are both trying to make decisions about so many things - career, kids (well, I guess some things are decided- ready or not), location, etc. I'm happy in my job and we're thrilled to be expecting a baby. However, I think we both (especially in relation to his career) are somewhat unsure of where we are. Perhaps many people our age are looking for the magic answer and although we thought we had things figured out coming out of college, we realize how little we really knew for sure. We worry about things we never imagined and

Rather than continuing to express my own relations to this piece, I'll simply share it. I think you may be amazed at how much it explains about how many of us in our 20s (and maybe even 30s and 40s) are feeling about life. I know I was.

Being Twenty Something
Inspired by: Ditha

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going alone with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Life is so confusing! If you're confused - you're not alone!

How true! Take care!

I've been tagged

Six things you don’t know about me. (maybe)

I've been tagged by Claire (check out her blog - it's great!) so here is my attempt at revealing something...

1. Some of you may know this, most in fact, but I’ll start with it just the same. I was born in the back of my parents’ station wagon. After my sister drove the car, with my parents in the back, to the area hospital, someone else backed it in to the hospital garage and they delivered me right there. I’m hoping for better timing from the little boy or girl growing inside me.

2. I don’t like coconut. It’s not a flavor thing because I love to down a pina colada, but I can’t deal with the texture of coconut. It feels like eating thin paper to me.

3. I have a serious fear of getting fat. This probably sounds extremely superficial but it is something I worry about. I would never obsess to the point of doing anything harmful to lose weight but I do feel guilty when I eat a cookie or a big ole meal out (well, sometimes. ; ) ) Perhaps this goes with Claire’s recent blog about fat and skinny.

4. I don’t handle criticism well. It’s not that I don’t like people to criticize me. In fact, I appreciate it. I want to improve my skills, appearance, etc. and do care what others think. However, I over-analyze criticism and that’s why I don’t feel like I handle it well. I need to learn to take it, learn from it and move on.

5. I find it invigorating to get behind the wheel of my car on a warm day, roll down the windows and turn up the radio with a great cruising song playing. Perhaps this is a return to the simpler days of my teenage years or maybe just the warm feeling of summer that makes me come alive.

6. I started this post last Thursday and it is Monday morning and I'm just now completing it. That summarizes my habit of starting projects that don't quite get finished. Heck, I even have intentions of starting projects that never even get that far. (ie - I bought a self-instruction knitting kit around Thanksgiving and it is still in the package.)

Now, I'm supposed to tag someone else. Krista, I think you are the only one left who I know that has a blog so you're it. I also tag Amy and Stefanie to start blogs - this would be an easy first entry.

Yearning for flexibility

My morning started out fabulous. I hit the snooze a few extra times and reported to my husband that I was going to work a bit late because I put in about a 10 hour day yesterday, Sunday. He said OK and rolled back over.

I finally removed myself from under the covers about the same time he did, ate my frosted mini-wheats, showered and prepared myself (physically and emotionally) for work - all the while making a mental list in my head of personal and professional tasks that I needed to accomplish today and throughout the week. Then, I took a few extra minutes to take some packages to the post office, stop to get a coffee and actually enjoy the 30-minute drive to work. All the while continuing to make lists in my head. In the end, I only went in to work about an hour late.

As I dropped the packages off at the post office I started to think about how much I would enjoy the flexibility to run quick errands or do a few dishes, do some volunteer tasks or maybe even blog in the morning or maybe the afternoon. Yes, I could get out of bed earlier (perhaps in training for after the baby arrives) but that still doesn't assist with tasks at businesses that don't open before 8.

Unfortunately, I think I'm yearning for something that is not a real possibility right now (given my work and school commitments) but I'm nervous that I may get spoiled by a less rigorous schedule when the baby arrives and then get thrown back in to a more mandated schedule. I think I should just get my tasks in order and maybe I wouldn't feel like I'm jamming all these other things in wherever they fit (sometimes being late in getting them accomplished).

I've noticed a bit of a rejuvenated feeling that I've read about as a second trimester symptom. Maybe this desire to get so much done is related to that. Now, I just hope my energy level can balance with all I want to accomplish and maybe I can even do a bit of creative time management at work to accommodate my yearn for flexibility.